I live in the USA but my mother is Dutch. This reminds me of a funny situation that happened to me last week: I offered to split a cab home from a party with my friend and he refused, so I left the party alone. Two days later, the host told me that my friend thought I was rude for not insisting that he take my offer. Apparently some people expect you to offer them help three times so that they can accept the third time. I called my friend immediately, apologized, and told him not to play games like that with me. It’s better to be direct.

It was your friend being rude

That ain't no friends

Insisting is part of the Swedish culture 😊🇸🇪 my father was Dutch so I am more direct. My friends know that so they accept my offer promptly 😊

Korea is the same with the three time offers.

As an American with parents also born and raised in America, you shouldn't have apologized. Yes on a rare occasion I liked to be asked two or three times, it feels good to feel wanted like that, but if I say no, and you go on your way, that is 100% on me, and I shouldn't have been playing any games, you asking the once is enough. Like I can understand if people insist, but that should never be assumed someone will insist.

As a Dutchman working internationally; I tend to make a joke out of it. "Allow me to be very Dutch here for a moment". That makes it clear I'll make a tough statement in a minute and that my audience needs to take it at face value. Never fails.

@Soep Poes In Afrikaans, "poes" means "pussy" and not the feline type. LOL

usualy i do that on a conversation about heritage: " allow me as Portuguese of more than 900 years heritage of modern state, that ..... " :D people on the north of Europe looks at me baffled, and I love it :DDD

@William Nethercott That's very insightful of you as an Anglophone ... most are not aware as you are that they're doing that. I think it must come from being an English speaker, that is the world's dominant language, it's spoken everywhere and you can travel widely with your language which you also speak at home with family. And so Anglophones (eg UK, Americans, Australians) are notoriously monolingual and even find learning more languages difficult. But we Dutch understand that ours is a very minority language, rarely do foreigners speak it when I travel, and when I come home from travels and hear Dutch around me, then at last I feel "at home". Last year I did difficult contract work in Xiamen, China, and when i sat in the KLM plane to fly home I near burst into tears just to hear "Welkom aan bord, dames en heren" I was as good as home, already 😂👍🏻 Anybody speaking 2 or more languages understands that you can't view language based on your own, as you do, because the language is also part of the speaker's identity and view of the world. So for me, Dutch means home, intimacy, comfort, the people who know me and whom i love, my community, my family. My "wiegtaal" language of my cradle or "mother tongue". English is for me the other language for "out there", the big wide world, studying, doing business. One isn't just a translation of the other, but different way of seeing things. Dutch 'directness' is a good example.

@Theo N The tube is terrible but it is not like that everywhere. "If you please" was part of regular English maybe 150 years ago. Many customs of politeness seem to have been lost in the last 50 years but some places in the UK are ruder than others. It took me too long to understand how differences in language and the way it is used can be perceived as rudeness. Several visits to Germany and conversations with people of different nationalities made me realise that I was trying to view other languages based on my own. As a Geordie, I should have realised sooner but I got there eventually.

I used to teach English to Dutch grown ups, and one of the more challenging things was to get across how in English polite society words don't necessarily mean what the dictionary would suggest. For instance: When a Dutch person says something like:"Isn't that guy an idiot?", about someone you know and maybe like, an English person might respond with something like: "Oh, I wouldn't know about that." What that means is:"Change the subject, because you're embarrassing me." A Dutch person may well interpret that quite literally, as in:"Oh, he doesn't know, he needs more information", and proceed to explain further why said guy is an idiot. That kind of thing happens a lot to Dutch people who know the English language, but are less familiar with the culture.

As a fellow Dutchman, this made me chuckle ^^

Well put

​​@The Sim Architect I have high functioning autism and I'm American, it's exhausting for me when people don't say what they really mean. Most Americans are like British people I guess they speak politely or in riddles they aren't direct and that makes life hard for someone with autism. I don't always understand people and having to figure out what someone meant is a lot, I would rather someone just be direct with me.

😂😂😂

Do you teach VWO or only LWOO? Lol. Always hilarious to hear these examples being made of Dutch people who clearly don't understand the language. They wouldn't pass an English entry exam at college if this is their level of skill.

French here, I lived for 5 years in the Netherlands and I love the straightforwardness. I really noticed how useful it cam become in group settings while making a project with both Chinese and Dutch friends. While the Dutch would be very open about what they displeased, which really facilitated the project, while the Chinese did shut off more easily if they were unhappy with something, leading to what seemed unexpressed frustration, and arguments. I later understood that my Chinese did express their point of view as much as the Dutch, only in a much more subtle way, and it came out as rude to them that we would still insist and not understand that they had expressed a strong point of view, which was unclear to us and led them to feel disrespected. Communication really is something :^)

​@lIEPlIEPlIEP thanks, I was wondering the same thing. Im Chinese and when I was studying French, I noticed French people are much more direct than us, or the Americans, British and Japanese for that matter. Apparently the Dutch are even more so.😂

@lIEPlIEPlIEP I'm an American but have spent time in the Netherlands and have Dutch friends who have visited me in the States. I agree with you that the Dutch are really overall very warm and friendly people. But compared to American social communication norms and standards of what we consider "politeness" Dutch people do take some getting used to! By the time my Dutch friends visited me I had gotten used to the bluntness and was not bothered by it and even appreciated it but I forgot to warn my American friends. My guest and I were invited over to dinner by an American friend who had asked my Dutch friend what her favorite type of cheese was so as to make sure it would be served. We told her but when we were served the cheese my Dutch friend looked at it and said, quite directly in her Dutch way, "Oh, that is a German brand and I do not like it. Don't give me any." My poor American friend - she just didn't know what to say or where to look! I ended up having to explain to both ladies the other lady's viewpoint on this. To be honest, it was a hard stretch for both of them. Secretly, I thought it was very funny.

Yeah good for them. If they are keeping quiet then that's just on them. In most businesses the Chinese and Japanese need westerners in important positions to make the whole system run in a competitive setting. What are they even doing in The Netherlands if they can't manage this I wonder. ^^

@lIEPlIEPlIEP Got it. Thanks.

@Erwan Marie The French are definitely quite direct but the Dutch are a bit more I think. They are less afraid to be blunt, a bit less reluctant to hurt, definitely less formal and more functional in the way they express things, they are less prone to making jokes or to use irony when the aim is to be clearly understood. That certainly does not mean that Dutch people are not nice or considerate, just a bit more direct than French people in formal/work contexts.

For me as a Dutchman it is rude when people are not direct. Saying “we must meet for dinner” and then not making an appointment is simply a lie. Untruth that is not meant remains untruth.

I think part of it is that British people feel akward when they don't have anything to say, they're not comfortable with silence. They always have to be chatting and keeping the conversation going. You can also notice that they usually say goodbye at least 3-4 times and "Hello" is always followed by "How are you" or some small talk. There can't be a moment of quiet. So if you're talking with someone you're not super close with, and you don't have anything to talk about, you can say "You should come for dinner". And in the UK this will be accepted by the other person who politely understands that you're just making small talk.

As a person with Asperger's Syndrome and being American, I think I should move to the Netherlands. I have trouble understanding people so if I lived in a place that most people are direct about what they mean it would make life so much easier.

Well...that was the point of this video. The national cultures are different--one is not more correct than the other. As an older person from the USA, who has lived in Asia and Central and South America, my experience is that unvarnished directness in interpersonal communications is not the norm. Even in professional interactions, nuance and indirectness can be important.

I'm American and I've always disliked the dishonesty of "we must meet for dinner".

@Concept ion what's geheven ghdjd?

I have been living in the Netherlands for a year and I wouldn't say the are rude, on the contrary, they are the nicest and are constantly saluting you, which I saw far less in London. Rather I would say the Dutch are transparent. They are very practical people and tend to avoid vanity. So they don't want to waste time and effort because of miscommunication. I deeply appreciate that trait of Dutch people. When they are direct, don't take it as rude, they don't have bad intentions at all, they are just being transparent.

stereotyping people just by where they born is wrong, I agree dutchies aren't rude at all. Es como decir que todos los aseres son escandalosos y les gusta el tabaco y el ron

Im born in the Netherlands. It is everbody for them selfs here

I’m from a country where a straight forward approach is nurtured. Having lived in the UK for over 20 Years I noticed there is a lot of faff and a cup of tea mentality. But it is kind of nice when a Brit tells me I have done well, though I didn’t think so, by my learned, own standards.

@NLTops I'd like to know as well.

@0512Kasia Interesting! Where are you from?

Having lived here in the Netherlands 30 years and even having acquired Dutch citizenship, I can honestly say I've never really noticed the directness although I keep hearing about it. I might be missing something but I find the feedback I get from Dutch colleagues and friends to be easy to cope with rather than appearing rude. What I have noticed is a respect in both directions in hierarchy at the workplace. In the UK more junior people would fear talking to the seniors, here the more junior person is quite happy to speak up and give their opinion and for me that is a great thing.

Same here, I've always found the Dutch extremely polite, I've not experienced directness more in Holland than anywhere else.

It depends where you live, some regions have more of that directness (roughly the Randstad) than other regions (I grew up in Brabant where this is much less).

You didnt see it because it doesn exists. It's BS..

@Phil Sarkol great analysis! Sounds very plausible to me, and I was born in the south and have now lived in the west of the Netherlands for more than a decade.

I'm Dutch and have lived in the UK and Canada for long periods of time. Canada was somewhere in between the two in terms of directness. Canadians are of course characteristically polite with lots of "please" and "sorry", but if a Canadian says "we should have dinner soon" they really mean that and you can make plans to hang out. I'm still getting used to a mention of dinner or drinks just being a meaningless polite phrase in the UK. How do you ever make friends if you never actually make plans? (The answer is the pub isn't it?)

@Michael Askew Naw, not everyone has a clearcut schedule, and sometimes it takes a bit to make sure you're truly free on a given date. Give people some grace, don't assume they're not genuine if they can't immediately commit

Here is your test for the genuineness of an offer. Get your phone out and ask when they want to meet. If they don’t settle on a date straight away, the offer is a fiction,

I agree, coming from the US, if someone said we should meet for dinner, I would assume they really meant it, and probably follow up later to make concrete plans

Yes, as an Englishman the pub is definitely the answer! I wouldn't say that phrase is meaningless, it does indicate a willingness. It just doesn't always translate into actual plans, which will be made more formally.

A story from Texas. Where a Texan is warm and friendly and says you must come over for dinner, but don't tell you where they live.

I'm Dutch but one thing I often see regarding "dutch directness" is that sometimes it's used as an excuse if someone's rude, and the people using this excuse are subsequently very offended if you are direct (or rude) back at them. In other words: the Dutch can be very hypocritical about their directness, meaning they can dish it out but are not that well at receiving it. I prefer the English method sometimes. Ofcourse it is situation dependent.

This exactly. Meet these types quite often. They talk about your tone of language when you fire back at them with what they give to you.

In my culture (North Africa) people never say what they mean or mean what they say. Being direct is perceived as rude. Getting straight to the point is considered offensive. Very often I find myself in situations where the parties involved talk about anything but the business at hand, sometimes for up to an hour 😱 and all the time I'm like: why are they doing this!? Guess I'm a little Dutch 😂

@Linda Lute Not necessarily because the Netherlands has had a lot of immigration over the centuries, because during the previous large migrant crisis (that of Flemish/Brabantian and German people to mainly Holland) the immigrants were expected to only practice their culture and religion within the walls of their own home. Many immigrant families didn't stay here permanently either, and whereas cultural exchange did influence us, it can't be counted as a cause for our internal regional cultural differences. The only reason why I'd agree with Máxima saying that there's no such thing as "true Dutch culture" is because the country, as small as it is, has always had cultural differences (think of all the different dialects as a little indicator). These differences became bigger when Holland and other northern provinces became protestant while the south stayed catholic. Dutch people in the time of the Republic would've agreed with the queen: the republic was in essence seven little nations operating under a semi-centralized government. Napoleon decided that we should unify further as a kingdom, but I think the regionalist mentality never left us, which shows in our natural cultural differences. The only other reason why people would even think that the Netherlands used to be, or is culturally homogenous before today's times of migration is because the regional culture of Holland has been associated with the entire country, as it has been the most important part since the late middle ages.

I'm a Caribbean transplant & feel the same in the US, sometimes. I think it's disrespectful of people's time, especially at work

@Seven The Misgiven Painfully true. Ouch.

No wonder you guys never get anything done. Cheers.

I'm from the UK, now in the NL, I'm half Irish half British and my partner is Dutch. Now that I've lived here a while life is so much simpler and stress free when it comes to communication. The Dutch are great for getting to the point. "hey, want to hang out this weekend?" UK - um... Maybe? I think I'm free, I'll get in touch (never hear a word all weekend). The NL - nope. I don't want to. I've been working hard all week and I want a day to myself. I love it.

Growing up in Canada in an area with a lot of Dutch, German and Swiss farmers I was very influenced by the families I spent time around. My mom was a single mom so I would spend lots of playdates on friends dairy farms. My family has UK origins but because of the families I spent a lot of time around I am the most direct in my family and it's something that sets me apart from others in my family. I never thought these families were rude and their influence definitely shaped me. I have strong boundaries, am not easily influenced and am very low in neuroticism. When I receive indirect communication I feel like I can't trust the person and that they're sort of weak willed and insecure. I like to know where I stand with people. I agree with the Dutch indirect communication feels dishonest. Out of my family I am also the most comfortable with nudity and dislike people sexualizing nakedness. I think it comes from valuing honesty.

Haleluja,... you are Dutch!

After living in The Netherlands for 9 years, I have something important to add: Not everybody in The Netherlands is direct or appreciates people to be direct. This video applies very much to The Hague and Amsterdam, where I lived and worked the first 4 years. But now living and working in Maastricht (in the south) for almost 5 years, I can tell for sure, people in this region are absolutely the opposite, people are extremely polite and avoid any possible situation somebody maybe feel embarrassed in public. If my staff criticises me (as a team leader), I really have to read between the lines, or they wait to say things in a one-on-one meeting, never ever in public. The first months working in Maastricht were very confusing to me, suddenly I was considered "The rude one", too much I was communicating the "Amsterdam way". Also when it comes to punctuality and food culture the differences are really surprising to me. 15 minutes late is in Maastricht perfectly in time, in Amsterdam a disaster.

I can relate! People tend to vastly underestimate the regional differences in the US, or at best they're limited to one or two cheesy stereotypes. And that's if they're even aware that they exist in the first place. Even some Americans themselves do it, or they're somewhat aware but disparaging of anyone outside their little world (if anyone from a certain large metropolitan area is reading this then yes, this means you)

Amsterdam direct? Lol Come to the north of the country. That's where you'll find directness.

Hey das habe ich verstanden! Grüße

I know you will end the nitrogen green insanity! Cheers from Germany!

Maastricht/Limburg isn't holland, at all!

Came to NL to study, fell in love and adopted the straight forwardness because it is so refreshing. Went home to my country after graduation, and got into so many troubles with the straight forwardness. It affected my career at some point in time, and I don’t care. I like it. It makes life easier. Not everyone is mind reader. Say what you want, and mean what you say.

A clear example of directness is how the Dutch answer employee satisfaction surveys. At one point, I worked for the Dutch branch of a company that had offices in 33 countries. Every year, the Dutch management got huge problems from corporate as we scored job satisfaction & integrity (as in no corruption) on average about 2 points lower than all the other countries. They then had to explain every time this was just the Dutch way. But when there was a new owner, Dutch management used a new tactic: We got a seminar on how to answer these questions according to "international standards". So if it's good, it's amazing, if it's so so, it's the worst (not that other countries did that, but this made the Dutch employees accept this new way of filling it out). It made it clear to all of us that it was very silly. Most of us ended up scoring everything at the highest point, so we wouldn't have to deal afterwards with "solving the problem", which we felt was just a waste of time.

One thing that I’ve noticed living in different countries (I am an American) is that the “lack” of social skills like picking up on subtext, body language, etc—aka, preferring direct communication, taking people at their word, expecting and acting upon transparency in conversations—is always seen as an ineptitude, and to a certain degree can be considered a social/developmental disorder in the states, whereas it could be the norm in other countries like the Netherlands, Germany, etc. I grew up in America feeling a bit alienated, but since moving to Europe (and of course it’s not a monolith, but speaking generally for sake of brevity) as an adult, it’s absolutely mind boggling when your culture shock is a positive experience, and you can fit in better in a culture that isn’t the one you grew up in.

@unicorns and rainbows and chicken and stars hahah I’m in Spain so the hyperbole/emotion/drama still exists quite a bit. But there is that nuance to it, as you mention. I think people generally just seem more in touch with their emotions, which is not to say they’re emotional, but rather that their speech and where they assign emotion is more regulated. There’s no need for hyperbole, because emotion can come across more natural. It’s either Jhumpa Lahiri or Elena Ferrante—I’m thinking of a contemporary Italian author but can’t remember who said/wrote it now—that said they hate to use exclamation points in their writing, for this very reason. To paraphrase I think it was because she felt it was trite or cutre to add the extra “!” Especially when the message could be relayed just as accurately without the punctuation.

I actually felt sane for the first time while I was living in NL for a summer because I learned quickly (I was living with natives) to basically erase the hyperbole from my communication and my emotions seemed to follow. When I came back to the states I was shocked by how dramatic everyone was constantly. Alas I'm back to native practices- I wish those two months had been enough to stick!

As a Dutchman working in business it's actually Americans and Canadians that can be the toughest people to have a simple business conversation with. Especially Americans need to talk for hours just to get a small point across. It gets worse the bigger the American company is. Ironically they are the ones that strike me as mentally backwards at times. I have heard of instances where my manager is busy for multiple days in meetings and in the end the message is that 1 or 2 small things should be done slightly differently. And this is just HVAC industries. Not saying Americans aren't excellent at doing business though. If the relationship is smooth it can actually be really straight forward and they are some of the nicer people to work with that also know how to get the point across effectively.

@Catie Chapman I bet it's funny, I've seen a lot of things about the US where I could just grab a bag of popcorn with and just have a funny time watching it I'll have to see if it adds more to what I already know, spoken with Americans from almost any state. Also because of this insight and how massive the US actually is as a country, the one thing it did broaden my vision on is that it doesn't matter where you are in The Netherlands, it is all nearby. Even if you live in Limburg and need to go to Friesland, most Dutch people would see it as this massive monolith of distance that is needed to be travelled and for good reason if NL is all you're used to. In reality though, it's quite a short distance if you compare how some American families have to travel comparable distancing that would go from NL all the way to Greece just to see each other.

As a US guy selling products to an important Dutch customer - I can say this directness was evident - and extremely helpful. When you messed up (occasionally inevitable, right?), they let you know. And If you convinced them you could fix it, they worked with you to solve the problem. Naturally, everybody has their own agenda, but with the Dutch, there was much less intrigue. Can't say the same for any other place or culture, including my own. I loved my time working with Dutch colleagues.

As an American having travelled and lived many places throughout Europe and the UK, I can honestly say that I have had more seemingly rude experiences in the Netherlands than all other countries combined. I always felt I just didn't "get it" there. Like we were communicating with different cultural expectations that just did not mix well. The video is spot on. Great country, great people, but we communicate very differently.

I'd live in the Netherlands over the UK with no regrets. Being direct causes less drama than what being "polite" tries to avoid unsuccessfully resulting in more drama.

@Kdubs Most "direct" NYC people would not be elated when the same directness is dished out to them, even if it "takes the guesswork out of communicating and is more efficient."

I noticed this difference, living in both NYC and Los Angeles. In NYC people are very direct and to the point, which is good but it often comes across as rude. In LA people seem to be indirect and somewhat insincere, but also seem to come across as more agreeable. I prefer the NYC form of communication personally because it takes the guesswork out of communicating and is more efficient.

@ElleAhr Do not underestimate Rotterdam.

Also you might not get stabbed

@Sevn6 Two.mmeter. But it is one way. They do not appreciate others being open to themselves in a critical way.

Thank you for this! I am Dutch at heart. It takes too much energy to spend time, even if unconsciously, in attempt to extract the truth from people who consistently use blurred, ambiguous communication. Just say what you mean, without being mean, and go forward.

Most cultures are indirect (living as a Dutch in Switzerland, I have connections with Swiss, but also with Germans and Italiens) but there are exceptions. People from Berlin area or from Israel for example tend to be also quit direct. Personally I like actually the different communication styles in Europe and learning about it is as interesting (and important) as learning a new language. For all international studies, this should be mandatory subject for students in my opinion.

If this is not a subject in international studies then I truly wonder what they are doing there. To be fair though, from a Dutch point of view many cultures also just don't know how to do business. There can be talk for months over something simple where other companies are on board much sooner and the work is a lot more effective. Germans are actually not direct at all from my experience. But then again in business you come across a lot of Germans that simply don't speak any English either. And then they get 1 guy on the phone who has the most fake practiced English and the conversation is still very painful. As if he is reading from a text book with perfect American accent and not much more.

True. I'm Israeli and can confirm. We are pretty direct 😅

I worked in an English Marina for 10 years, my most favorite customers were the Dutch. Excellent approach and straight forward, never had an issue. The worst were..... the Brits, and I'm British!

As a swedish speaking Finn I find it very easy to communicate with the Dutch. You know where you have your counterpart and can take him on his word. I have bought farming machines for myself on two occasions and also noticed that there is a pride in having a local dialect.

I have a similar "problem" being on the autism spectrum in Australia, which is in many similar Britain. It never occurs to me that I should not take what others say literally, or that others might not interpret what I say as I intend: strictly literally. It causes incredible problems at times but I can't help feeling that I'm the only one who is behaving rationally.

Remind others that "give it to me straight" is the traditional Australian way.

I'm half Dutch (grew up there) and half English (lived here 40+ years), and I spent the first half of my life taking things at face value, speaking my mind, and being honest and open. Unfortunately, that did not always go down well. My controversial take on one sneaky purpose of 'politeness': We seek to win favour with people by saying nice things, but without having to put any actual effort in. e.g. By saying "you must come for dinner sometime", you're garnering credit and respect even though you have no intention of following through with the 'offer'. That seems rather dishonest to me. In the US, in many cases, they seem to have taken that ploy to another level by putting as little time, effort and resources into products and services as they can get away with, while whooping and cheering like those things are the best in the world. If it looks good and sounds good, it must _be_ good. Nope.

@micha klaarenbeek As an American who has traveled the world : these are just ( customs) in Japan you get these greetings : but after living in Japan for a while I found that the Japanese though they enjoy America culture they extremely ( racist) but would never show it publicly. The Dutch are ( blunt and rude), Americans ( superficial), English ( formal, polite) but elitist and class conscious.

​@micha klaarenbeek In the US, "How are you?" Is equivalent to "Hello" and people will often respond "how are you?", Neither expecting a response to the other. Please don't take this as a sign of American disingenuous, it's just a linguistic quirk and many Americans do genuinely enjoy speaking with strangers.

OP I think you have just identified the root of political correctness: "garnering credit and respect even though you have no intention of following through with the 'offer" whole policies are made along these lines

@MsEmmaHale Maastricht area is not agrarian, but there has always been a "french" influence. The city of Maastricht was part of the dutch republic even in the 17th century, not the surrounding area however. That area was part of the German states.

@Annoholics you’re not sending anything they leave 😆

I can very much relate to that, as a German, who has lived in the UK. In the UK it is considered to be polite to not directly state your opinion but to politely introduce it. In Germany is is considered to be polite to be honest and not sugarcoat anything. Tell me the tings as they are and do not waste my time.

100% Agree.

Seems like many ppl in Germany have become British without me knowing 😂😂😂😂

It's an individual mentality thing. I think it's because the Netherlands is such a small country with relatively small population and historically so much challenges and work to be done just to stay safe from the elements, that it has always been absolutely important that everybody is involved in helping the community move forward. Therefore each individual is taught to maximize his or her potential and think for themselves. Communication is very important in this aspect.

Spot on. People say that Dutch people are known as being a nation of traders, but it always seemed to me they missed the point. They are a nation of engineers, precisely because of the challenges you have mentioned. Trade related achievements were secondary - as the success in trade was built precisely on those engineer-like habits/qualities.

Oh that's funny. Last time I checked the Dutch actually don't even want 140 IQ at VWO anymore. They think it's not good enough. To hell with potential and helping the community move forward.

I am a Dutch citizen living in the UK from the age of eleven and have had this conversation several years ago with my Dutch cousin and his American visitors. I explained that the subtleties of the English language and the use of the double negative, eg " I am not unsympathetic to their cause" leaves most foreigners confused. In contrast/addition, "The art of the sugar-coated pill" is not a Dutch attribute. So in conclusion in spite of my long relationship with the English language, I have been told people find me intimidating because I am direct.

I am British, but know a lot of Dutch people who are friends in Spain. I love the Dutch directness, it can take you by surprise at first, but it’s much better in the long run.

Very fun to watch this as a Dutch person, so relatable. I don’t get why people would talk around things. It’s so annoying 😂

There is a pittfall for English/foreigners that take the message of these sort of videos too close to heart. Just because being direct isn't automatically rude, doesn't entail that any sort of rude behavior is accepted. Basic niceties like saying 'thank you' are normal (and have little to do with directness). And tone of voice matters a lot when delivering a negative message (something that is hard to hear if you aren't fluent in Dutch). There are also regional differences. The southern Netherlands is still direct (compared to England), but a bit less than the western part of the NL. Dutch speakers also use a couple of linguistic trics to soften a message, without realising it themselves. 'Kun je mij de boter geven/mag ik de boter (can you pass me te butter/may I have the butter) instead off the command: 'Geef mij de boter' (pass me the butter) for example. (And if you do use the commanding form, your tone of voice can be used to soften the harshness). And no matter how many times people say it: bumping into someone without a 'sorry' is still impolite.

Ah yes. The famous tone of voice that someone can arbitrarily say something about. As a Dutch person this actually disgusts me the most. They want to be direct and downright rude and then they can't handle when someone treats them the exact same way. ''Je toon staat mij niet aan.'' Ach pleur toch op man. Wie ze uitdeelt moet ze ook kunnen incasseren. Maar dat kunnen Nederlanders meestal niet. Gewoon lekker domme dingen zeggen zonder erover na te denken. Of course this has a lot to do with people who just aren't as competent but still. A lot of managers are like this. Thank god I don't have to listen to them anymore.

@Adam Defibaugh 😂 Well, I suppose you could say the same about wearing clothes ... just a social custom to cover up the truth of our naked body. It's often "word soup", I agree, and often to cover the truth, 😂. Then it's rude. But we are social beings, fragile, all living on a busy planet together, like bees in a hive. And it all works better together if we have respect for eachother, and care for good communication. "Manners" are like social lubrication, and that's as important as the grease lubricating your car parts so they work together better. Every culture has "manners", and not just for covering the truth. Because it works better than treating eachother like 💩. The outcomes are better.

I really appreciate our Dutch habit of prefacing a question politely to a stranger with "Mag ik u vragen?" The English way of just barging in directly with the question seems so rude! For example, I live in a tourist-dense part of Amsterdam, I look like a local walking my dog, and so get asked for directions all the time. A Brit will just walk up and just say, "Do you know where de Rijksmuseum is?" But a Dutch visitor to Amsterdam starts "Meneer, mag ik u vragen?" (I'm a senior male, so always u) Then it's the Pommies who sound blunt & rude 😂

@wich Nice word soup to cover over the truth.

Look up the linguistic concept of the modal particle. It's almost entirely absent in English, it's used in French and even more in German, but Dutch is absolutely replete with it. You can easily add four modal particles to a sentence to indicate a mood or an emotion. Change the modal particle(s), and you change the mood/emotion. "Kun je het raam even dichtdoen?" versus "kun je het raam nou eens dichtdoen?". Both means "could you close the window?", but the first one is polite, whereas the second one indicates frustration ("I've asked you before and you ignored me"). That, and the diminutive. In English you can use "doggie" as a diminutive for dog, but you can't use "carrie" for a car. In Dutch, not only can you make a diminutive of every single noun, you can also turn any kind of word into a diminutive. Not every word, but for any category of word: verbs, adjectives, adverbs, and indeed the modal particle. "Autootje" means "car", the diminutive of "auto". Using the diminutive can mean that it's a cute little car, the kind that women like, but you can also use it in a derogative way, if you want to tell someone, probably a man, what you think of his car, and by extension himself. Let's take the following sentence: "Dat varkentje zal ik wel eens eventjes wassen." Here, we have a diminutive on "varken" (pig), the modal particles "wel" and "eens", and the diminutive modal particle "eventjes". Literally, it translates to "I will wash that pig", but it means "I will take care of it". However, if you didn't use the diminutive form of "varken", you would literally be washing a pig. And "varkentje" does not mean piglet; the word for that is "big". Then, the modal particles "wel eens eventjes" indicate confidence, that you'll finish the job successfully and quickly. All those nuances that Dutch has go completely out of the window when you try to translate directly into English. And that's a very large contributing factor. The Dutch generally speak excellent English, although often with a strong accent, but if you translate Dutch into English, rather than actually speaking English, you're lost.

That's why 'actions speak louder than words'. How can you trust someone if their words don't match their actions? Being polite is normal social behaviour, but lying is just another form of rudeness.

Yes. Lieing and manipulating. Bullying behind your back and acting and expecting me being stupid enough not to notice... And being mad if i did...

Us Dutch people always speak with general improvement of life in mind. That’s the end goal of most conversations. That’s why we don’t beat around the bush. And that’s why we don’t care if the conversation itself is rather unpleasant in nature. We go straight to the point, to improve our lives with minimal effort, and communication is but a vessel for said improvement.

​@Tim Murphy Sure and it does. If getting in line sounds hostile to you, that is on you. The reality is that immigrants have an influence on the receiving culture and change that culture and the language of that culture for a bit. There are of course always people in the receiving group and the immigrant group that try to hold on on their old ways. The larger the number of immigrants the more their influence will be. A linguistic change in dutch was caused by the influx of the Sefardic jews in the beginning of the 1500's: our notorious pronounciation of the G-sound😉

@grewdpastor I think that 'getting in line with Dutch culture' sounds quite hostile. Dutch culture is allowed to change a bit right?

@Tim Murphy There are also quite alot of different cultures in the Netherlands too. Particularly in the Holland/Utrecht region: people from North Africa, China, Turkeye, etc. Most of them get in line with the dutch culture in 2 generations.

@Wessel 97 fair enough. The way I see it is that in the UK quite opposed cultures live next to each other and manage by trying to avoid difficult subjects in which we know that there is danger. We each tend to hold negative ideas about the other (e.g. godless vs religious fanatic or "stuck up southerner vs chip-on-shoulder northerner") and the aim is not to let someone know what your prejudices are!

@Tim Murphy generally if someone completely dissagrees with you, they will say "okay agree to disagree". Theres no point in arguing because the other person can have all kinds of reasons to dissagree with you apart from just thinking you're wrong. And yes, you will take in account that they come from a different culture so might not be used to it. However that doesn't mean you can't explain to them what you think of their way or how it makes you feel, being in the Netherlands and not in their home country

I'm a Hollander living in "the South" (Brabant) and I can tell you that the directness/ bluntness and honesty is arguably something typically Hollandish. I can tell from my and my family's experience that neither the blunt humor nor the directness are very widely appreciated here (not everybody will get angry of course, but the general reaction I get is a "wow, did you really have to say it like that?" - look and/or comment), sometimes it's even misunderstood as a personal attack or insult. I've even seen people think that directness is in fact not a virtue of the Hollanders but rather a bad social skill (or a lack thereof). Personally I prefer the harsh truth over a comfortable lie, but I'd understand why people don't like the direct attitude.

For anyone confused by this comment, Holland is a smaller part of the Netherlands

Have lived in English speaking countries for about 55 years , am married for 50 year to my English sweetheart and when I ask her, would you like a cup of tea and she will say “ well, I just might “ and I will say “ let me know when you have made up your mind “ haha . Of course by now I know what most puzzling answers really mean but in the beginning we had “ our moments “😂. Some other answers to the same question “ I wouldn’t mind “—“ that would be nice”— “ I’ll think about it “ etc.

"when we say something is interesting, that doesn't mean we are interested it means you are boring and should sod off" "When we express a desire to have you over for diner, you definitely should not expect an invitation any time soon or at all" "When we mean no we probably said the opposite" Yet somehow we are the rude ones 😂

Hahaha, exactly 😂

Interesting that the city in the US most known for directness was founded by the Dutch. They called it New Amsterdam.

They don't call it directness, they quite proudly call it rudeness. They're also foul-mouthed and arrogant, two traits that they also consider virtues and are quite proud of. I've been stuck among them for years. Can't wait to get back to civilization.

​@Chris B no we're not; we're just walking here

​@Frederic Perrin it is not. What's your proof?

I find the Dutch direct in a good way... maybe like me (English). They have always been easy to work with in business and leisure. I was on an early image sharing web platform with a small community who got to know each other. There was a Dutch girl who got into all sorts of trouble with some (not all) of the Americans. There were two reasons for this 1) If she didn't like a photograph she would say so without sugar coating it 2) while her English was pretty good it is always difficult to gauge the strength of swear words (curse words) in another language, and she got that a bit wrong sometimes (though there happened to be an American in the group who got it wrong more often than she and he wasn't vilified). I appreciated her willingness to be straight when she didn't like something and I adopted a similar approach (it's my preference anyway) which didn't always gain me friends, but then the ones I really wanted as friends usually appreciated it.

I actually worked with a Dutch manager, who said things more directly, sequenced, and subjectively than anyone I had met before. It turns out it largely modeled her inner dialogue, and found it did for myself. My manager helped me recognize the legitimacy of my thinking simply by highlighting the same similarity in words. It helped me recognize personal truths that were false through how she approached a related topic through the same thinking (and message). Existentialism/truth may be interesting to understand/believe in the Netherlands given the closeness to their internal monologues

Living in the Netherlands, I appreciate the directness. You know where you stand without sugar-coating. It’s an efficient and transparent form of communication (but ofc no excuse for rudeness).

@PETER BURRY Dank je wel :) Haha coded too much 😊😛

The term you're looking for is "sugar-coating"

Growing up in the US South, politeness was engrained in the social culture. I used to think people from the US East Coast or bigger cities were rude, but the older I get I’ve realized it was just directness. Traveling Europe helped too. I now see directness as more efficient and genuine and the Southern politeness as fake and confusing.

My mom’s Belgian and my dad Dutch. When you ask Belgians if they want another coffee they’ll take 5 mins to answer and will ask about 3x if it’s not a bother for you. A Dutch person will be “yes! Lekker!” All I need to hear to get the coffee machine going

I never heard of this being a particularly Dutch trade before. I’ve heard it said about Germans and the Scandinavians, but it makes sense since it’s all Northern Europe. But when I think about it now, I definitely see it. I’m Danish and I remember one time where I was paired with two Dutch gentleman in Morocco for a golf game. We had no issues and no funny looks or awkward moments - you know the kind where you’ve committed some type of cultural faux pas. Same goes for all other interactions I’ve have with Dutch people over the years, when I think about it.

@Arturo Bianco Europeans are better at geography than Americans. Sorry to burst your bubble. And nobody is asking for provinces in Denmark or The Netherlands either even though I could tell you the provinces of Denmark as a Dutchman. This is the difference. Americans think they are the whole world and 1 state is a nation. The rest of the world correctly attributes a state with merely being a province. Also really? Capitals of nations is a difficult thing for you? Interesting.

​​​@Jan de Jong Viking was an occupation. The only goal was to travel, and show other people the benefits of redistributing their wealth. 😊❤️🇩🇰

@Arturo Biancoall of them

@Jan de Jong  The Vikings weren't a single thing. A Viking was more like a pirate back then than an actual people group. As a matter of fact, there were Frisians that joined the people that were doing Viking stuff.

@Ruben De Koe Don't forget the Vikings.

I'm Dutch, been in England since the early 90s. I'd like to think I've got the hang of English politeness by now, but I still get it wrong. A few years ago a Dutch friend came to stay and didn't say 'thank you' after being served by a lady in a shop I often go to. I'm sure the friend didn't mean anything by it, she just turned away, but I was mortified and awkwardly blurted out 'thank you' to the lady to compensate for what I thought could have been perceived as a bit of a snub. Hilariously, on leaving the shop my friend then told me in no uncertain terms that _I_ had been rude to _her_ for embarrassing _her_ in front of a complete stranger. Lmfao - it's all good clean fun. I learnt a long time ago that 'maybe' means 'no' here and 'Well, we must do this again!' usually means the opposite.

I started working in a Dutch organisation a few months ago. At the start of the year we had the new year's reception and some board member have a very long speech and a live broadcast from the HQ. I was just absorbing the whole thing in and thought to myself... This is a bit long, and then my senior colleague just said "this is too long and so boring" and i was like wow okay that's Dutch directness - I had the same feeling but would dare not say that 😅

Whenever the subject of the cultural differences between Dutch and the British manners is brought up, I have to think of the time (about 30 years ago) I was camping on a campsite in Monmouth. In the evening, my (now) wife and I spent some time in the campsite canteen. We had 2 beers and came in contact with an English elderly couple. We had some nice chit-chat together. The bar however was closing. So we said goodbye to the couple and made ready to go to our tent. Then one of them asked us if we would care for a last beer in their caravan. We, being young, without much money to spend and above all also not wanting to be impolite with rejecting the offer, accepted it and went with them into their caravan to have that beer. Thing was, when we were drinking our beers in the rather small caravan, the atmosphere was not at all entertaining. We were clearly out of place and it all in all felt pretty awkward. Later I understood that it was what sometimes is it called an English invitation. It was more meant as a "well, goodnight, it was nice speaking to you" rather than a real invite to come into their caravan. We go almost every year on holiday in the UK for a few weeks. You tend to learn the read between the polite lines. In general I would however say that the Brits have better manners, are more polite and more helpful. I can tell dozens of stories about this. On the other hand, I also have had my share of rude and offensive encounters with British people. And the image of young British holiday makers isn't that positive either outside the UK. I think there are many pubs in Amsterdam that hate seeing another British stagparty entering the premises.

@Möchtegern Milliardär No.

Well, if dutch people whom you are visiting ask you if you want to stay for diner, it also means „get the f*** out of here „.

As a Finn, I think we have a third approach to this issue. Rather than dancing around difficult statements like the English-speaking countries or being direct like the Dutch, we either do not say anything or go the Dutch route. If we think about work life for example it is often necessary to say difficult things to colleagues and a Finn might behave a lot like a Dutch person but in personal life you might leave a lot of things unsaid if you know it could be perceived as rude and the issue is not truly important. If you don't like the colour of your friend's shirt a Finnish person might not say anything at all about the topic unless asked. With close friends we can of course be honest.

I had a Dutch flatmate at university in the UK. We discussed this a lot because she was very direct and explained the cultural aspect to me. I would sometimes cringe because as one raised in England, it's all not causing offence whereas she insisted direct honesty was the best policy.

I do think a language component is very important actually, specifically in translate-situations. For example, I often translate “Ik wil graag”, “I would (really) like to”, as “I want to…”. Just out of habit, because it’s more “direct”/logical translation. But it sounds way more rude in English than it is meant in Dutch. Or, to my friends, “do you want tea?” instead of “would you like some tea?”. I feel that, especially in international contexts, the Dutch are perceived much more rude because of nuances like this than they actually are. I hope this is considered in the research or whatever.

@Seven The Misgiven True, but one doesn't have to exclude the other 😉. Cheers to you too

@Fabulously Small Yeah if I wasn't I would not bother to improve my own grammar because I wouldn't notice these things myself. Cheers buddy.

@Seven The Misgiven ? You may be great at English but that doesn't make you a very nice (or observant) person apparently....... 😅

So you're bad at English. Of course that will cause misunderstandings. These are basics that you have to teach yourself when you are Dutch.

I agee with you xxx, that may actually be an important aspect and makes more sense with how I experience the Dutch myself (as a Dutch person) which is most in my experience are not that direct at all 😁

I spent a month in Amsterdam in my 20’s and I found their directness incredibly refreshing. Even when they would INSIST that I stop trying to practice my dutch on them 😂

@1:12 about the haircut: this is one of the running jokes between colleagues. As a born Dutch I have heard this many, many times after having had my hair cut, but when other colleagues came back form a haircut they would hear it too. Another running joke: "Did you have your hair cut?" "Yes, it was about time / Yes, it grew too long / Yes, do you like it this way?" Answer: "OK, but when are they going to finish it?" I suppose the way this is said is one of the subtle nuances you only catch when being born Dutch, or having lived in the Netherlands for many years.

Jokes like this actually show that people are comfortable around each other. Mild sarcasm can be a sign of friendship. Speaking politely can indicate that you're not at that level just yet. Australians can relate, it seems.

@Marjolein Tomassen just harmless banter

​@Marjolein Tomassen Depends on who says it. From my experience, it's safe to assume anyone with whom you've got no bad blood intends it as a joke. And to be fair, nobody who doesn't like you will ask if you've gotten a haircut, or anything really.

I am born and raised in America. As far as I know, I have zero Dutch ancestry. And after watching this video, I am convinced that Amsterdam is my true homeland! I have often thought I am from an alien planet where strangely, you say what you mean and mean what you say. I can't think of a simpler way to communicate, yet I have found it to be extremely uncommon throughout my life. It turns out I just belong in the Netherlands! I am definitely going to spend my next vacation there...having one direct conversation with another human being sounds more relaxing to me than a week on a tropical beach!

I think Dutch are not so much "direct" but more that they are "100% literal". And because this means expressing clearly your own problems and weaknesses, Dutch are also more trustworthy with the weaknesses of others. There's less kiniving.

Less kniving? NOT my experience, sadly.

@Marilyn Lucero Yea, but that is different. The joke where I lived was: "Did you fall of the stairs?" Or "did you put your fingers in a socket?" In contrast with saying: "Hmm, I liked it better before". Also nothing wrong with imo and like I said happened to me both ways.

@Marijn v.d.Sterre Heard it as a joke often when former house /group mates got a haircut. "Hey met de grasmaaier over de kop gegaan?" "Ja, leuk he."

@Marijn v.d.Sterre ..I'm dutch though. Nice try?

@Raizio I don't think anyone who is actual Dutch thinks it is a joke. But please tell us how we don't understand our own culture.

I can't understand that you would tell someone to have dinner next week and then just don't. I mean, what good does that do 😂 I've encountered this before and took it literally as a Dutch person and yes I felt the English were rude and almost lying when they didn't follow up or were weird about it when I tried to make an appointment 😂

as a Canadian living in the USA I can relate. Americans are more direct than Canadians, which can sometimes come across as rude. After years of living here I've come to appreciate the bluntness and more direct speech of Americans. Thing that still shocks me is Americans habit of talking freely to strangers in public.

As a Dutchman, Americans really can beat around the bush quite vigorously as well. At least when doing business.

@marshhen come to Ireland, people love to talk!

@M Woods- lol, Florida is the exception huh? Well, I suppose that may be partly because Florida is home to a lot of New Yorkers!

@M Woods "Pretend It's a City" That's great! 😀

@Jeff W I agree with everything you wrote about New York City.  I think that when they're out and about, they live at a faster pace, so the relative brevity is sometimes viewed as rude.  I'd even add that, in some ways, it's easier to make friends in NYC, because so many people are from elsewhere.  Whereas in some small towns, outsiders have a really hard time being accepted by the locals, if ever.  And watch out for the gossip in small towns.  In New York City, you can much more freely be who you want to be. Your description of some tourists blocking the flow of traffic reminds me of Fran Lebowitz's "Pretend It's a City"--this phrase is her extremely shorthand way to convey that tourists should not block the flow, because most people in NYC aren't on vacation/holiday.  😄

Me and the Dutch would get along really well. My directness was born out of me stopping people pleasing and experiencing anxiety. I needed to learn to say no or say what I meant the first time so it was all clear. Saves so much time and energy. However, this has opened my eyes to something I never gave much thought about. Just because a non-native speaker speaks English doesn’t mean the full understanding is there so something for me to be mindful of.

Having grown up in belgium but often spending time in the netherlands, I can say the difference between belgium and NL is pretty much the same as UK and NL. People tend to be more quiet and polite, downplay their achievements, not brag about anything or speak to people in public etc. I honestly feel like I might actually be more of an extravert if I had grown up in the Netherlands, just because saying what you think is more socially accepted there and I wouldn't feel so awkward all the time. I definitely enjoy that mode of communication more a lot of the time, cause it eases tension that I inherently have in social situations, though it can also get overwhelming when you're with a larger group of dutch people. Family gatherings tend to be very loud and sort of chaotic. It's strange cause on the one hand that's the type of situation I try to avoid at any cost, but on the other hand once I get going and loosen up it's really good fun as well and I feel very good afterwards. I think people's social disposition is probably influenced just as much by their inherent personality as it is by their environment

@humphrey i thought it was too obvious to literally spell it out. i begin with uk and NL, then belgium and NL. In the video they mention the UK is more polite and downplaying their achievements, and then I say the same about belgium

I'm confused reading your statement. In the beginning you mention three different places, Belgium , uk, and Netherlands. Then you describe traits of one or two but do not state which traits go with which country. Please identify which country has which traits.

Dutchie here, and I can totally relate. I once had to collect research results from companies throughout the EU, and what made communicating with my (Flemish) Belgian colleagues especially hard, is that we communicated in my native language which makes you tend to completely forget about possible cultural differences. So when I ask 'can you send it to me by the end of the week?', I'm expecting a 'yes' if so, and a 'no' if not, without any pressure, just to help me to plan my own work. My Belgian colleague however doesn't hear a question but an order, and will always say 'yes, sure', even when it's blatantly obvious that that deadline can never be met. These small differences made for a lot of frustration on both ends.

As a Dutch introvert I have the opposite experience. I once joked to someone that I must secretly be a Belgian because I like to be more quiet, not drawing attention to myself and I can get really annoyed at seeing/hearing loud-mouthed, arrogant compatriots in large groups. But you do have a point. Directness being the dominant culture has helped me learn to voice my opinion without feeling awkward about it. And even if it can be draining, engaging in more loud and boisterous social gatherings are also very fun every once in a while.

I am Dutch, lived in New Zealand since 1990. I got into trouble more than once with my directness and often the consequences only became apparent much later. I get on much better with the Maori who appreciate honesty so much more. Once I quantify the way I use words people tend to be on board with it. I tell them that a compliment really is a heart felt compliment and criticism is never personal. In fact criticism is a compliment. It means you're worth the effort to align our thoughts.

It's an essential life tool to be able to deal with (and hopefully understand) people who are blunt and direct, as well as people who are guarded and cautious. Each "style" has its advantages, and I would hate to be stuck one way permanently. Each can be quite refreshing when you've had your fill of the other!

I am Indonesian, lived in Germany for 5 years, and then moved to the Netherlands. So, I have experienced 3 different cultures. To me, German is more direct, cold, and discipline (overall). Dutch is at least more polite and friendly (open). This is why I decided to live in the Netherlands. German is too hard for me so I prefer to settle in the middle between Indonesian and German.

True that the Dutch always say what they mean when laying out their boundaries being defined by them. My grandfather Henry spoke low German after being born in 'Germany' inbetween the 2 world wars which some say used to be spoken most in what is called now Holland. May explains why he was so direct too. Which my mother Anne experienced as being very demanding of her while she was learning how to drive a tractor on their farm and when learning how to do ALL the work tasks that are involved in mixed farming too.

Nah low German has never been spoken in Holland. The provinces of North and South Holland never spoke a Low German dialect. Their dialects are Dutch dialects and thus descended from Lower Franconian. If by Holland you mean the Netherlands (which is like calling the UK, England), then Lower German (called Lower Saxon in the Netherlands since ww2 for obvious reasons), is indeed spoken in part of the country (not most). Spoken mostly in the east (in the achterhoek and Twente) as well as the province of Groningen. But no it is not spoken in most of the country and most people from the country don't understand Lower Saxon. On TV, when people speak in this dialect, it is subtitled.

That is beautiful, I worked with some wonderful Dutch people, and their honesty was sometimes quiet, haha, dismantling if you will; it sometimes "shortened" these "dancing around" and "beating around the bush" types of convos, as stated in this video. For me, originating from Poland and having a mixed bag of values from Poland and 35yrs of living in Germany, that was sometimes quite a moment when my approach to packaging things was confronted with this beautiful directness.

I also struggle - as a German person - about the non-direct communication in England. Super confusing, hiding around the bushes…

@Changeur2009 thank you for your explanation

@Eva Stapaard based on my personal experience in the past 💬 Polish, Finns, Danes, French, Spanish and other Europeans tend to be indirect communicators 👀 Swedish are Direct but compared to Dutch and Russians not so much 🤔

@Changeur2009 I don know, that's why I ask you....and why not polish, Danes, Fins Swedisch etc....

@Eva Stapaard don't you think they share the same trait of DIRECT Communication and Straight to the point ❓

@Changeur2009 why are they the same?

Lived here 47 years this month,love the Dutch ,ik hou van jullie 🇳🇱🥳

Indoensyians: Meneer please hold our BAJIGUR 🥃

(nog) Gefeliciteerd, Janet!

I love this, had a friend in France from the Netherlands, we were in a foreign exchange student program. I told her about my beautiful Dutch man back home and she said ‘Oh, of course we have the best looking men in all of Europe’ she meant it! ❤

Dutch people compared at least to Germans, Belgians and especially British are very attractive I would say.

When a English or a American person says “ Interesting “ he/ she mostly don’t like it. When a Dutch person says “Interesting “ he /she really means it’s interesting . A big difference

Interesting…

In English you must use more words: "I find that interesting".

So they are being sarcastic.... Maybe they werent raised being able to express their thoughts as kids? Lesson: Respect your kids opinions and feelings, no matter how small and young they are. Adults like forget about it.

@Plons0Nard ask him 😂

When Spock says "interesting", he really means it. Could Spock be a Dutch Vulcan ? 😊👍🇳🇱

Having lived in about six countries in my life, i have noticed that politeness in different cultures means doing different things and avoiding different things. So when you get 2 people whose idea of politeness is different, you're bound to get one person thinking the other is rude.

Honesty, clearity, transparancy and simplicity is what we Dutchies like 👍

Being direct and meaning what you say is totally normal greetings from Germany.

Danke mein nachbar!

Was gonna say. This video should apply to Germany and possibly Denmark

Dutch directness is very situation-relation-dependent. The directness wildly varies depending on the relation between two people and the situation a statement is made in. For instance, making promises in Dutch doesn’t need an “I promise” or reaffirmation. If you say something like “let’s meet at 10” and not being there at 10:00, an average Dutch person can be disappointed. While in English culture disappointment only exists when the statement was “let’s meet at 10 *sharp*”. Giving positive feedback to mediocre input is seen as not genuine or a sign of “fakeness”. While in British culture, this is just being polite. It’s also dependent on your relation to a person. Directness, or as Dutch people refer to it “honesty” occurs in situations where that same directness is expected back. This however can get more complicated in professional relationships with a hierarchy. Although at the same time, it is very frowned upon to have a ‘boss’ (already a slightly more negative term in Dutch) that has to be respected only on the grounds of their ‘higher’ position. Dutch people will argue that directness is a necessity for effective communication. As a Dutch person would say “I have to know my place”, be that in a friendship or in the workforce. If someone dislikes you, then although it may be hurting, you’ll at least know that, and you can find a way to work around it. Why try to perform an act when something clearly doesn’t work? “You can’t pull a dead horse”

As a native-Dutch speaker from Flanders (Belgium's Dutch-speaking Northern half), this video is particulary funny to watch, since Flemish people are almost as indirect as the English. In Flanders, "maybe" means "no", "I'll think about it" means "not in a million years I'm going to do this", "is there anyone at this party I can introduce you to?" means "I'm done talking to you so please go away" and "I'd be grateful if you could provide me with your input by close of business today, if at all possible" means "this is an important deadline so don't miss it". The fact that the Flemish and the Dutch share the same language makes the culture shock all the more bewildering. I'd be broke if I had to give a euro every time I'm baffled by a Dutch-person's directness. And it works the other way around too: when an English persons tells me "we should have dinner some time soon" I totally get that it's just a polite way to wrap up the conversation 😉

This is really interesting. Because New Yorkers -- people who were born and raised in New York City -- are also known for their directness, but are sometimes considered rude by people not from New York City. And New York has a strong Dutch history. My guess is that the Dutch way of communicating has been a strong influence in New York. New Yorkers don't consider it as rude. They consider it as being honest. And they essentially expect others to be direct in the same way, and they don't take offense. It's a way to easily and quickly share ideas and communicate. New Yorkers love what we call "straight shooters." People who tell it like it is.

It can vary from person to person though. In a Dutch emigrant family with four siblings, two have adapted to the more British way of speaking, the other two of us are much more direct. I actually often find it difficult to reach for a more round about way of stating my thoughts, even though I already know ahead of time that I'm probably going to ruffle feathers. It's weird. I long for more directness so I'm not always beating myself up for my perceived lack of tact.

I didn't spend a lot of time in the Netherlands, but as a foreigner I really liked the Dutch people and their food is amazing. I think the world should really learn to be more Dutch in this respect, and be more direct.

i didn''t know dutch culture was like this .... now i want a dutch friend so i could finally have a direct conversation like i've always liked to have

@E. G. you definite had a bad experience....where do you come from?

@Eva Stapaard That's 90% of my and every non Dutch person I know who has lived there. I know it's typical Dutch to minimize but it's wrong and insulting to those of us who really tried to integrate and were mostly met with abuse.

@E. G. that doesn't sound like the Dutch I know. perhaps you've had some bad experiences....sorry for that.

They're not lmao. They're dishonest and two faced. They're only "direct" when they feel entitled to something and will be quite loud about it. Besides that they will stab you in the back if it makes them look better for five minutes.

here's one more

After 10+ years living abroad, I've come to suspect that what people often perceive as rude, is our eagerness to always share our opinions, even when these are not particularly kind or welcome. Our straight-forwardness/honesty, however, is often appreciated. That's my experience, anyway.

I love directness.... makes life much less complicated. While I'm not Dutch I've gotten in a lot of trouble in the world by being direct, and many do consider it rude... but in the end you have real friends and not phony nicey nice ones because you understand exactly who 'you' and 'they' are.

Exactly this!

My parents are Dutch and I am a first generation New Zealander. I have found these differences between Dutch people and other nations to be correct. Dutch people also hold eye contact for much longer in a conversation and it was years before an English friend told me this as they found it a bit uncomfortable and intimidating but they still liked me anyway. 😘😘😘

My 2 favourite countries. You are truly blessed

I'm Spanish, and I'm direct (and very punctual), which is usually found as rude. I try to soften negative things when talking, but don't expect me to say something is ok when it isn't. (The best I can do is saying things like 'not too bad', 'I'd rather ... than that', etc). And I like direct people. For me, the opossite, even if I understand the good intentionality, sometimes it may be a way of lying.

There is this interesting continuum in the Netherlands where the west is distinct (maybe even a little English), the south is certainly more French, the east is certainly more German and even the north has some Scandinavian notes. You can hear it in the accents. Maybe that is the reason for the clear and straight communication, the battle against water and, long ago, other countries, required clear communication and consensus : you can never get all that you want but you CAN get what you want most if you work together efficiently.

The south is more spanish. They raped and pillaged the Brabanders like there was no tomorrow. The French however were here for a shorter period and much more civilised.

We, the Netherlands, have a parallel government for water management and the earliest contracts in that sense we have are nearly 1,000 years old. As we are in the flood plane of the North Sea as well as the flood plane of a couple larger rivers (Rhine, Rhein, Rhenum, Rijn), (Meuse, Mosa, Maas), and a couple other significant ones, the building of dykes around a community rather than everybody having their own may already started some 2,000 years ago. In such a landscape there is no place for veiled language, there is no place for believing that someone is right because they are higher on some social ladder. The facts must be correct and truthfulness is extremely important. Of vital importance. We may not have time to decode veiled language in that sense. Life, lives, estates, properties can be at stake. Yes, regional differences in the NL are pretty big too. And then social class differences. The Hague and Rotterdam may have the most direct factions, more so than Amsterdam. East, South, South-East will be more indirect.

I am learning a lot watching this video . I have recently done my DNA and my husband of 35 years , we are both English or so I thought . He is predominantly Dutch with Welsh and only a small % English . He is so literal it is unreal , I actually thought he was either doing it deliberately to make me mad or obfuscating , he genuinely never hears 2 tones in my voice which is such an English thing ……when the English say …..how are you , we don’t want to know how you are …..the answer is Fine and smile ……not every ailment , every problem in your life …..👍

One thing I've never understood about other cultures is sometimes people expect you to keep offering things/proposals after them saying no, so they can 'be persuaded' and say yes after the nth time. Here, saying no once will result in AT MOST the phrase "(weet je 't) zeker? " ("you sure?")". Say no again and we will take your no as your answer. Why would anyone be expected to keep probing when you've told them no numerous times, genuinely sounds annoying if someone did that to you tbh

I think the directness is also in the language. When i speak English I feel also that the way you speak is more indirect (like when you describe something) than in Dutch which is quite literal. And also there are alot less dutch words than in english which also effects how the language is spoken. That's why French is used alot in treaties because the language can't be interpreted broadly but rather is specific in its meaning

@grewdpastor that is definitely interesting to learn but I think how people form sentences in English and Dutch you can see a difference why Dutch is more direct than English and why it changes how people think as well. That’s why Dutch people speaking English might sound rude. That’s true as well

@abdoulaye camara I did a quick check, according to the Nederlandse Taalunie : Estimates vary widely. Cornelis Kruyskamp, editor-in-chief of the "Dikke Van Dale" from 1950 to 1976, wrote in the foreword to the tenth edition that, according to him, 2 to 5 million Dutch words were used in all times. Piet van Sterkenburg, director of the Dutch-Flemish Institute for the Dutch Language in Leiden from 1977 to 2007, is more cautious and estimates the number of Dutch words at more than 1 million. According to Merriam Webster: "It has been estimated that the vocabulary of English includes roughly 1 million words (although most linguists would take that estimate with a chunk of salt, and some have said they wouldn't be surprised if it is off the mark by a quarter-million); that tally includes the myriad names of chemicals and other scientific entities. Many of these are so peripheral to common English use that they do not or are not likely to appear even in an unabridged dictionary." So yeah apparently there are more dutch words. Considering most people use about 35.000 words in any language, and the more educated ones 55.000, the number of words in a language are not "that" important.😉 French however is important because France has been an important power from 1000 AD

@grewdpastor you can check it English has more words than Dutch by dictionary. 577,707 to 400,000 for Dutch. Sure that could be another reason but not the only reason French is used

Sorry, that is utter nonsense. The dutch language has probably even more words than the english one. French is used in diplomatic circles because of the political developments in the past (past meaning from the 1600's upto today)..

The Netherlands are amazing! Best way to do it anywhere in the world. Stay honest & let’s keep each other honest. The world needs it. Much love from Amsterdam.

So true about the difference between learning a language and learning the culture. Basic set of rules in my culture: - No means no (not very common) - Maybe means no (this is the one) - Yes means maybe (the other one) - To mean "yes" you need "xYes" where x depends on the person Add-on: "Sorry, I can't" means "I don't want to (and I am not sorry at all)"

I spoke to a Englishman in Amsterdam and he wanted to learn more languages and felt bad they didnt learn it on school. I said to him he can still do it and dont need school for it. He became offended and start yelling to me. (Wanted to hear something else I think) . Ijust turned my head and went on with my day.

@an to direct maybe..?

Why would he be angry?

Grappig. 😂😂

I have lived in the Netherlands for almost a decade, moved there since I was a teenager. They’re not rude at all, they’re actually really friendly and not fake friendly like many Americans.

I used to live in the Netherlands, now living in Japan. OMG, I got some little troubles here specially the way I do say things or "sounds" bit too direct. Doing business here, wow its another way of not to being rude, but get quick answers or reply. There are many things that Dutch ppl can learn from Japanese and Dutch can learn from Japanese. However, one good things that I keep doing here in Japan, is keep my curtains open and open the windows. Love both countries! Recently I visited Nagasaki and its so fascinating to find so much long history of relationship between both nations.!

It would have been useful to have mentioned the historical impact of the geographic reality on how the Dutch developed their communication style. This directness may well have developed as a result of having to get to the point quickly when dealing with imminent threats of flooding. This has resulted in the Dutch becoming the world authority of water management & engineering . The word, Polder Model has been coined to describe this particular style of consensus reaching.

@wiski Good point, so I'll think about it further, but I do think there is still something in the notion that geography/location is in some way causally linked to culture. Any idea of who came up with this idea?

This seems like a bit of a stretch. It’s not like countries that are seen as being more indirect don’t have their own problems. Take Japan for example, they have to deal with earthquakes and typhoons quite frequently but are almost the polar opposite of the Dutch in terms of directness

This is a bit of a reach. It may explain why our society is egalitarian and concensus-based but flooding doesn't have to do anything with directness.

Yes it's true, i 'm Dutch and we just say what we think....it saves a lot of time and energy,..

Indoensyians: Meneer please hold our BAJIGUR 🥃

Indeed geen gedoe

I agree, but often I get the reaction, " je weet niet hoe je moet met mensen om gaan."

I am not Dutch, but totally agree. Being direct could be much more effective. Sadly most people don't like it, for them it is arrogance.

En dit is veel beter.

I live in the Southern US, and my uncle married a Dutch lady. My family, especially the older members, were very put off by her. Even amongst Americans, US Southerners are known for being overly friendly, even to the point of being fake. Unfortunately, this caused so much tension between my family and my new aunt, that she moved away. My family still talks about how rude she was.

@pushslice underrated comment 😂

Poor lady was probably wondering why she always needed her heart blessed..

Then it wil be best for youre family, never to visit the Netherlands lol. 🇳🇱😂

I don't like overly friendly, makes me always wonder what they want from me !! Sometimes i go with mine wife to the beach. And at the beach we to a bar to drink something. And there is one girl that greet us with: sweet people ! En then I think always how do you know, you don't know us ??!!!! ( bud she is correct, whe are sweet !) Bud to friendly makes me nervous !!

This also why the Dutch generally hate bargaining or haggling over prices when on holiday. If they see a hat or a carpet, they want to know instantly what they're worth, and not having to talk the price down. It feels insincere to charge more for something than it's worth, and equally unfriendly to try and talk someone into getting less than they would deserve. Much to the chagrin of (mostly Mediterranean) vendors!

As a tourist on multiple occasions, the Dutch are refreshingly polite. Too direct, sure, had that experience too. But I rather have direct communication than trying to read between the lines personally.

We are terrible between the lines readers. We don't get the hints or suggestions when they are not verbally outspoken.

I am 100% Dutch but lived 35 years in California. My directness got me in a lot of trouble there especially in the beginning. Now I have moved back to NL and need to adjust again. I have noticed that I am way more diplomatic and careful in what I say and how I say it. I think I have a great comprimise. What really gets me is that Dutch people think they speak perfect English, but they dont. Their English is usually ok. If you tell them( being direct) they get very irritated and defensive. They can dish out the criticism but they cannot handle it when it is directed at them.

It's a fact that everyone that speaks a foreign language never will deeply understand all the subtleties of that language. It will take a person decades to scratch the language surface and in fact should submerge in the culture to get half of it.

@hwcjvanbeek1 Why would you tell them this? To feel superior? I am an native-speaker English teacher in Europe and Dutch people have the best English in all of Europe.

As a real dutchy I also would get irritated and would let you know in my directness. If someone who lived for 30 years in California tells you your english is not so perfect.......you are mister know it all......Een betweter! You will hear it for sure and very much OK.

The majority of Dutch people at least understand English and speak it well enough to communicate with foreigners. This is why many foreigners enjoy living/working in the Netherlands.

After living 3 years in the Netherlands, it is funny to see how eventually you get used to the directness. In Finland, we are not so direct so it took quite some time to get used to it😅

So the Dutch are like the Scottish! Makes sense are they share the same genes too. Hello my fellow like minded Dutch friends! 🤩🤩

I am Dutch and I love Scotland.

👍🏻😁

By the way, my favorite Scottish accent is spoken by Fern Brady. Not only is her accent wonderful but she's a hilarious comedian.

@Shining-Star-369 I have heard that in Ireland, they speak not only English, but Irish, Gaelic, and oddly named, Irish Gaelic.

@Peter Lawton maybe you should ask yourself if the Scots language is actually English? Obviously it's Gaelic. 😘

very interesting and nice to read all the comments on this topic. thank you very much. I am a Dutchman myself, I have lived in Amsterdam for 15 years. now I live near Arnhem. there is a difference there. amsterdam is more rushed and Arnhem a bit more relaxed. also prefer to live in the east of the Netherlands. I feel more at home between farmers and country people. I grew up among the meadows. 😁

there is a difference between being direct and being direct to the extent of being rude or even insensitive or insulting , I am scottish from my mothers side living in Hoilland, scottish people are in my experience direct but rarely rude

Working years in international environment I do much appreciate direct answers. You don’t have to offend people, you could use nice words but when things must be done, is better to be clear and direct. For me is more rude when people imply a thing they don’t mean and the possible awful consequences that could carry.

It has nothing to do with "directness", it has everything to do with mutual respect. If there's mutual respect then both parties feel comfortable in speaking their mind, and they expect the other party to do the same. From someone that is used encounter inequality amongst people this may come across as direct.